Aloha From Hell: A True Story By Stephanie McLawrence
(This story takes place between March 15th and 16th of 2020).
I would like to start by giving some back story. My little sister and I recently went to Japan for two weeks, on the flight to Japan we were nervous because we had a layover in Korea but our fears quickly faded away once we actually got to Korea. Everyone on our flight to Korea were in masks and our experience on Asiana Airlines was absolutely amazing. The food was great, service was perfect and we were comfortable even in coach. The flight wasn’t full so we got to enjoy an entire row to ourselves.
All in all, our trip was fantastic and we bought a ton of snacks and souvenirs in Japan. Two days before we were to fly back to NYC, our flight was cancelled as it had a layover in Korea and Japan halted all flights to Korea. Once the initial panic subsided, I found tickets back with a layover in Hawaii and we both thought it would be exciting as we’ve never been to Hawaii before. We were both also excited to see the kind of food they offered on the plane, though personally, Asiana Airlines beats anything I’ve had thus far.
From Japan we hopped on flight one of two. The flight to Hawaii wasn’t that fully but it was significantly fuller than any flight we had taken thus far. We wore masks on the plane but decided against wearing the mask in the airport because Hawaii is safe, right? Little did we know how wrong we were but I digress, back to the flight to Hawaii. Let me start by saying I will never fly Hawaiian Air again. They only offered one type of meal and that meal came with an egg sitting right on top.
Note: For those of you who don’t know, I am deathly allergic to eggs.
When I asked if they could offer an alternative meal because if my allergy, the stewardess shook her head in a negative and gave me some wine. Needless to say, had I not eaten a few hours before getting on the flight I would have been very drunk. Fast forward 6-7ish hours and we exit the plane, since we were US citizens it was fairly simple for us to get through immigration and retrieve our checked luggage which we then had to check again for our next flight to NYC which was in 6 hours. Time to explore? Hell no, it was hot as fuck in Hawaii. Sweating and hangry (my sister couldn’t eat the food on the flight either, it hurt her stomach) we checked in and found somewhere to eat in the airport. The food was great but we were not looking forward to the 9 hour flight back to JFK.
For the last hour in Hawaii before our flight we decided to head back to the boarding area which was empty… at first. As people started to pile in we decided to break out our masks and put them on as we had heard at least 12 people coughing. First and foremost, let me state, for the record, I fucking hate Americans. Immediately after my sister and I put on our masks people started staring at us like we were crazy and began to loudly share their opinions of the coronavirus with their friends and whoever was around them, one woman even commenting “I won’t be quarantining anyone in My House”. Keep in mind we were about to be on an almost completely booked flight.
It didn’t stop there, once we were seated on the plane which somehow felt even smaller than the last one, a woman and what had to be her 2 month old baby plopped down behind us. I had heard her and her baby coughing in the airport but since we were exploring so much and were seated away from them in the boarding area, we did not know how bad it was. My sister and I were two of 5 people wearing masks. There was an older asian couple seated across from us who were masks but being on this flight would not help them given that the masks generally protect others if you are the one that’s sick, not the other way around.
The woman and her baby proceeded to dry cough the entire flight to JFK - and everyone who coughed didn’t cover their mouths. Why? Because Americans are uncultured swine with no regard for their surroundings or the health and safety of others. On that flight filled with coughing people, none of the attendants wore gloves or masks and no one seemed to care.
I managed to get in a 2 hour nap before Ms. Coffington and her baby behind me rose me from my uncomfortable sleep with another slew of open mouth coughs. I guess I’ll mention the meal which I once again couldn’t eat. I asked the steward if the meal had eggs and he told me that he didn’t know if it had eggs and that the staff isn’t really given the ingredients to the meals. He then tried to relate to me by telling me that both his sons were allergic to eggs and he typically packs all their food. Then he mentioned that they had snacks for sale if I wanted to take a look… I mean what in the actual fuck? What 9 hour fucking flight only has one kind of meal and if someone is allergic encourages them to BUY snacks??! Fuck that noise, I wasn’t about to spend my well earned money on such a shitty ass flight. About 3 hours before we got to JFK, this is after my nap was interrupted, there was an announcement asking for any doctors on the flight to come to the rear of the plane. The woman sitting in front of us was a doctor I guess so she went to the back and didn’t return to her seat until about 20 minutes later. She was then given something to fill in and sign and rewarded with her own personal water bottle… this was suspicious as fuck, no? I think it was.
As we were landing, my sister and I prepared for screening which we heard was happening at JFK as the situation in NYC had exploded while we were away. We were at the ready and prepared to be forced into quarantine so long as it got us away from the filthy fucking stupid ass people we had to endure this 9 hour flight from hell with.
We exit the plane… no screening… find our luggage… no screening and walk outside to have a cigarette after which we hopped into a cab and went home. If that is what they call screening… I don’t know what the fuck the United States is doing but they definitely didn’t test my sister or I for anything even though we were coming from Japan. Japan, by the way at least has their shit together. My sister and I both decided to voluntarily put ourselves under self quarantine just in case we got it from someone on the flight from Hawaii (my job shut down anyway so, there was nothing else for me to do).
Today is day 7 of my self quarantine and I gotta say - I’m glad I’m not outside. Fuck that noise, I’ve been practicing social distancing and isolation my entire life. I was born ready to stay inside. When I do finally change out of my pajamas and venture outside (whenever that will be) I’m wearing gloves and a mask.
-Stephanie McLawrence